发泄不用规则，欢迎光临

最近还蛮多人的，来到这里发泄情绪，虽然多是来者不善，也没关系啦
只要是愿意聊天的，不管内容是好是坏，来到这里了，都欢迎你们啦～
什么意见我都会接受，认不认同是另一回事，尽管发泄你们的情绪吧~
只要你们觉得开心，这里就是你们的乐园，没有规则的，自然就好 XD

好久没这么热闹了，一堆人发表意见，虽然有点不习惯，感觉还蛮好的
毕竟看了会留言，都算有心交流啦，说起来也是客，没有不欢迎的理由
只是有点担心，你们不习惯这里的自助方式，会以为被忽略/不受欢迎
习惯就好，来多几次，应该会好一点吧，希望你们也喜欢来这里啦 XD

有些留言可能比较直接，但我也蛮喜欢爽快的人，干脆磊落的，赞啦！
尽管来吧，讽刺也好，侮辱也好，双关都好，你敢讲的，我都敢听 XD
好久都没有火了，好怀念啊，如果可能的话，尽管放马过来吧，期待哦
我也想看看我的能耐程度，虽然不曾怀疑，但自信爆满也不太好吧 ><"

哈哈～还蛮期待你们下一次的到访，虽然我不懂你们是谁，但那不重要
对我来说，朋友不一定要知道名字的，有心就可以了，总之就是欢迎啦

Belonginess of our group

Few days ago, our tutor of Group Dynamic ask us about what you think about group, do you want to belong in a group? As what we can expected, most of us answer "yes" with their reason, and when the tutor ask about my opinion, I say "no"....

Why we need to be in group, sure there is something we can get from it, therefore we are always in group. As general, we can get recognize and feel accepted by the majority if we are in the group, we behave the same way, having the same goal ambition, have fun together and support each other. Belong to a group is very important for human being to survive. But allow me to confront it, do these thing only can apply to group members only?

Sure the answer is no, we still can apply these good thing to ousider too, but then what the reason we want to form a group since we are trying to apply the same good behavior to everyone? Usually, we tend to treat our group members better than outsider, this including listening to ingroup, take care of ingroup, help and support ingroup even the members are not asking for it. Yeah, this is good to hear that we are kind, love and good to people, but sad to say this, it only apply to ingroup members rather than "people", and I recognize it as selfish love, rather than true love.

Everyone have the love, no matter it is conditional or not, selfish or not, big or not, bad or not, we have love in ourselves. Although treating good to ingroup members is always better than treating bad to others, but the name of "group" already limited our that whatever love to only that certain members. But the fact is, there are many people need our love, our care, our attention, and our support too, not only just that certain members in our group.

Yeah I know that we still can be friend with others who is outside of the group, but the case is, by the time we mention we are in a group, we are actually differentiating ourselves with outsider in a clear boundary. And since they are outsider or stranger, it is normal for us to ignore, abandon or even reject to offer our love, our care or even our attention to them without our awareness. Yeah, there is nothing right or wrong in this world, being in a group is no right or wrong since we need social acceptance and mutual support from each other. Just hoping for your awareness, there are many people need our love, please don't selfish to offer them.

Maybe most of us will say, I will help and accept others too if they come to me and ask for help, we are always welcome and willing to help. I wonder, the group always walk together, stay together, behavior together everyday that result in strong unity relationship between each other in group, when someone need help from us, do there left any space for the person to get in? And we only offer help and support if only they join the group? Sure verbally we are welcome others to join our group, but the boundary of the "group" will automatically preventing others from get into the group. We are only good and love our group members, in fact.

I cannot do anything if majority want to be in group no matter what the reason, I respect it and accept it. But at least I know what is happening, I try my best not to belong to any group, I am belong to everyone, as long as there is someone need me, even there is no one for now maybe, I will always ready for it. I will be here if u need me, anytime, anywhere, without reason.

拍拖了一个月，两人世界

不知不觉，拍拖了大约一个月，两个人的生活，好像没有想象中的简单
向来习惯了一个人，做事都不用交代/解释，我可以做我所喜欢做的事情
两个人了，要见面，要亲密，要联系，要关系，一切不再是一个人的事
多了关心，分享，感觉，拥抱，话题，也多了本分，要求，期望，顾虑
我明白有好也会有坏，只是觉得那是可以更好的，难在需要两个人的共识

我常在想，如果我有女朋友了，有可能说我只想要情侣的好，不要坏的吗？
其实是可以的，有了名份后，享受着情侣关系的同时，再以朋友身份对待
不要求对方做什么，不期望对方应该怎么做，只想对方好，不求任何回报
这是我想要的，但可行度有几高，我心中有数，因为没有多少人可以做到

成为情侣后，我发现不是不可行，只是难在对方也能理解，同时也达成共识
并不期望说对方必须和我一样，毕竟不一样是很正常，一样的话就该谢谢了
若真的对方做不到，我也不能做什么，但至少也不要要求我应该做些什么
问题在于，若对方做不到，要求期望是分不开的，拒绝配合便变成了不爱

我只会表明立场而已，我不要求你明白或接受，但也请别要求我接受/改变
我知道我很特别也很讲究，我只是想对自己诚实，只想轻松地过日子而已~

又被投诉太吵，引以为耻

今天与L1同班一起上课，整个班上多了不少人，很奇怪的L1，就算没有位子坐，也都还要硬硬一堆坐在后面，跑前来拿了桌子椅子去后面，前面又不是没有位，非要坐在一起不可？？真的是无言，好听点叫合群，难听的话就不说了，不然的话，相信后果都是一样吧，反正L3也是同一类人。

上课上到一半，讲师有事出去二十分钟，我也争取时间休息睡觉，其他人如常一般高谈阔论，整个课室吵到要命，我心中有数，相信等下就会有人来骂人了。本来想离开课室与这班人脱离关系的，但20分钟不长也不短，由于真的蛮累一下，也就懒惰的趴在桌子上睡觉了。。。

模模糊糊中，感觉到附近静了下来，听到有人在训话，说什么很吵之类的，我没什么听到，但可以肯定的是，讲话的那个人蛮不爽我们这班的，语气不见得客气，想必是吵到隔壁班上课了吧，也难怪，这班人每天无时无刻都忙于关心朋友，又深怕朋友听不到似的，重复又重复，感情好得不得了，这是外人难以明白的大道理，所以难免会有冲突不爽的，我好想告诉那个人说，习惯就好，骂过我们的人有十多个，如果这班人会改的话，早就改了，不用等到你来说那几句废话，那是多余的，何况他们乐在其中，他们肯定还会继续的，你还是回家睡觉吧，省省你的口水啦~

什么时候才能与这班脱离关系呢？已经开始反感了，反胃了，呆在这班里，真的有够丢脸，有够羞惭！唉~ 难挨呀！

Totally fainted, game over

Haiz, this computer cannot write Chinese word, no choice, have to write in English already.....
Today, i went to Sunway Pyramid for ice skating, with my 2 female course mates from other group, actually i am full of excited to get ready to ice skate, but very weird, by the time I reach Sunway Pyramid, my excited mood totally distorted !! I am aware of it, I am thinking of the B girl ><"

I recall back the moments while I dated her to ice skating for celebrating her birthday at Sunway Pyramid too. It start from the time i step in SP, I remember that we went to book movie first before ice skating... Omg~ I am not concentrade in going out with my friends ><" But I fail to control myself, all in my mind is only B girl, I become confuse what I actually doing at that time. Feel sorry to my friends really....

While ice skating, it become worse, I helping my friend learn to skate, i recall back the time i do the same to B too, it just cannot get away from my mind, i really have nothing to say about it, but it is distorting my mood to play ice skate nicely. I cannot concentrade in skating, i watching in front, but i did not see the path; I look serious and steady, but I get lost in my mind. It is confusing, it is annoying. My leg shaking, not because i am tired, is because i don't know where I am skating, because i never pay attention in my skating. Falling down, getting injure is the result.

When I talking with my friends, I noticed that I always unconsiously mention my memories with B in the SP. I know it is not related to my friends, but I still repeating the same mistake over and over again. Fainted, this is not me, I am not comfortable with it, I feel so abnormal now. I know, I'm dying for sure this time ><"

Don't know what to say now, I just feel I am dominanted by the B already, without any reasonable reason. It is so wildness, it is so compulsive! I try to avoid, but it really out of my control, I have no idea how to deal with it. I am losing, I losing all my things, I lose to a girl without boundary, and now, I totally lose to myself too! Fainted, when I become so vulrable to danger?? When I become so low in self-esteem one !??? Speechless, I know I am game over soon~

Now I really no dare to think about it deeply, it is so unsecure! I know that avoidance won't solve the problem, it will just perpetuate the issues, but too bad, I do not have the ability to deal with it so far, so please allow me to take this stupid step ><"

为什么要尝试，明知故犯

本来想专心打怪升级的，怎知心情变得乱七八糟，我知道，是有客到访了
怎么说来就来，害我什么心情都没有了，我不想发呆，只好回来这里发泄

我想起我们一起溜冰的昨天，想起整天的行程，我无言了，我想我是懂了
你只想做朋友，没有别的意识，你人真的很好，没有拒绝，不想伤害我吧
我想我真的是明白了，三次的单独约会，我什么感觉都feel不到，可能吗?
唯一我能解释的，你只想做普通朋友，一起吃喝玩乐，可是我不想这样啊

是我变得贪心吗？有人对我好，我就想要，没有道理的，我就是很想要啊
真的很无奈，我知道这不是我要就可以的，那我应该怎么办，可以怎么做
我不懂好不好继续邀约，我知道你会接受邀约的，也只是普通的朋友邀约
我不想让你应酬，也不想要你为难，我怕我会越陷越深，更怕我不能自拔

走到这里了，我真的不懂要不要走下去，有一种感觉，前面根本就是死路
真的很奇怪，我竟然还在想要不要走，而不是掉头就闪，看来我是发烧了
烧得很严重，失去了判断力，很辛苦，我可以不想吗？可以不要找我吗？
我可以发火吗？可以大叫吗？我可以不理吗？可以逃避吗？我可以哭吗？
真的有够可怜，你连这些都做不了主，回来吧，那里不是你应该去的地方
的确，这里并不好受，还好还有你在身边，我真的很累，我什么都不管了

最近有位女孩，开始倒追我，由于身高问题，我从来没想过什么男女关系
印象中也没做过让人误会的事，都是当作普通朋友对待，没有甜言蜜语的
真的不懂喜欢我些什么，倒是很奇怪，我没回应你的感情，没有良性反应
几次下来，为什么你还不放弃？是你察觉不到吗？还是我立场不够表明？
我不明白，为什么你还敢来，对我而言，不过多少次，都肯定是失败收场
你是真的不懂吗？还是有什么原因？一条注定失败的路, 为什么你还要来?

勇气可嘉是件好事，但用在注定失败的尝试，那叫无聊，也不会有好结果
同样的路，我选择了放弃，却有人还愿意去尝试，最后的结果也都是一样
为什么还要尝试？坚持的理由是什么？不想后悔？失败的路有什么好后悔
我解释不来，但我相信，这其中有我应该要知道的东西，而且对我很重要

凌晨有客拜访，有来无往

现在凌晨三点半，虽然身体和脑都很累，可是我睡不着，也找不到原因
走来走去也不是，好想写部落格，可是又担心写的话，就真的不用睡了
平时写一篇至少都两个小时，最长试过六个小时，每次写都还蛮费时的
真的不懂为什么我会写那么久，也不是很长，可能是整理思想比较麻烦

有很多话我想说，可是不懂哪里说起，打字的速度永远追不上我的想法
不说又不爽，好想找人聊，现在都四点了，我想应该没有人那么得空吧
只好来部落格发泄了，只是怕以我现在的心情，我看今天都不用睡了吧
哈哈，死傻佬，四点不睡觉打Blog，真的有点神经病，有够无聊的 >.<"

可能是想太多吧，情绪来了，一堆不懂是什么东西，一点一点地冒出来
越来越多，已经看不到路了，没有停息的空间，也没有时间想要怎么办
很不自在，我不懂我在哪里，也不懂我在做什么，更不清楚发生什么事
我只是知道，我很怕，我必须离开这里，不然的话，真的一去不回头了

其实我心中有数，那是个难得的机会，可能是我一直以来寻找着的答案
可是我没用，我不敢尝试，我害怕失败，我明白，失败的后果我输不起
不管多少次，也没勇气尝试，停在这里久了，我开始后悔，拖泥带水的
我不敢向前，也不愿意放弃，我做不了决定，也明白没有人可以帮到我

现在五点半了，脑袋有点痛，看来真的是累了，也差不多时间要睡了吧
明天可能会睡超过十二点吧，现在还饿得要命，管他啦, 先睡了再说 XD